In Which The Tide Begins to Turn
For me 2025 started on a dark note. I felt as if I had made no progress in my five year battle with Long Covid. Indeed, I was in an awful state of exhausted and pain-filled inertia, which was punctuated by the occasional good day.
I could not work as I had neither the energy or the heart for it, and my Covid damaged brain was unable to focus, or recollect words, thoughts, and knowledge. The work creating and building Through the Looking Glass Book Reviews had come to a screeching halt in 2020 when I first got sick and it lay neglected. For over twenty years my online journal had filled my life with wonderful books, delightful book people, and it had allowed me to learn so much about the world. Now the journal, and I along with it, were in limbo.
After I got over the worst of my Covid symptoms and Long Covid set in, I was so busy putting one foot in front of the other that I did not feel the loss. However, in the summer of this year the void left in my life, because I no longer had A Work to do, began to assert itself. Without consciously realizing it I decided that I could no longer accept the status quo.
I had a long talk with my doctor and we decided to try a medication to see if it would help me ‘dig up’ some energy so that I could be more productive during the day. The hope was that it would also help me think more clearly. My experiences with medications that tweak the workings of the brain have, over the years, been mostly negative, and so I was not optimistic that this medicine would help. By some miracle it has proven to be the exception to the rule. There are side effects, as there always are, but I am learning to manage and live with them. The fatigue is always there, but it is not as debilitating as it was. I still struggle to ‘find’ words, but not as much as before.
With my body feeling more energized, I set about beginning anew. The first thing I did was to formerly close down the journal. With the help of my kind and every supportive webmaster we turned the journal into a static website. All the reviews, biographies, features and other materials that I wrote for the journal are on the site, but new material will not be added to it. For my own well being, I had to gently, lovingly, close the door on that part of my life. I had thought that I could add to the site every so often, but came to realize that I need on move on to ‘pastures new.’ Holding on to what was, even in a small way, was holding me back and preventing me from moving forward.
The second thing I did was, or so I thought at the time, to dip a tentative toe into the local library world. I applied to join the board of our county’s library foundation. I thought, at the most, that I might be invited to join one of the committees, though my real expectation was that I would asked to be a volunteer to help with their projects.
To my great surprise the Executive Director of the foundation asked to meet me, and we spent a pleasant hour or so at my favorite coffee shop chatting about the foundation and about my own interests in the book world. My goal with Through the Looking Glass Book Reviews was always to introduce children, via adults, to books that I hoped would entertain, engage, and excite them. Ultimately I hoped that books would turn them into life long readers and learners. I very much want to continue doing this kind of work, and conveyed this to the Executive Director as we spoke.
This meeting was followed by two more, first with the president and vice president of the board, and then with the entire board. I confess I was quite bemused by the whole business. Surely these august people were not seriously considering me for a position on the board? It turned out that they were, and in the fall I was invited to join.
Since then I have attended two board meetings and have joined the outreach committee. I have so much to learn, but am excited that I am going to be able to put my passion for literacy, books, and libraries to work in my own community. My work on Through the Looking Glass Book Reviews was a one woman show and it was a solitary, mostly long distance, business. Now I will be working with others, and making face-to-face connections with people who live in my beautiful valley. I won’t deny that I am nervous, but I am also excited.
In addition to my work with the Foundation I will be getting back to writing. It is time. Once again I will set aside time each morning, after exercising, to tap away at my computer. The work will be harder this time as I won’t just be writing reviews. I will be writing articles, which I have discovered take a lot more work than a book review used to do. The articles I write will appear here on a regular basis. As regularly as my health, farm work, and my foundation work will allow.
So here I am, on the last day of the year and I feel, for the first time in a very long time, that at last the tide has turned. There will be setbacks, there always are, but I will move forward. I am hopeful that the “tight place” that Harriet Beecher Stowe spoke of in her
novel Oldtown Folks (1869) is behind me.
I know that many of you have also faced challenges this year. You have lost friends and family members, battled illnesses, faced uncertainty in your work lives, and bravely contended with many other troubles and predicaments. I hope that you too have found some respite as the old year comes to a close, and trust that you are able to look forward with hope in your hearts.
The world is a hard place, as it always has been, but I do believe that we are surrounded by reasons to keep on hoping, and thus we have cause to keep on doing the Good Work that will bear fruit in the future.
Bless you, and a happy new year to you all.
After I got over the worst of my Covid symptoms and Long Covid set in, I was so busy putting one foot in front of the other that I did not feel the loss. However, in the summer of this year the void left in my life, because I no longer had A Work to do, began to assert itself. Without consciously realizing it I decided that I could no longer accept the status quo.
I had a long talk with my doctor and we decided to try a medication to see if it would help me ‘dig up’ some energy so that I could be more productive during the day. The hope was that it would also help me think more clearly. My experiences with medications that tweak the workings of the brain have, over the years, been mostly negative, and so I was not optimistic that this medicine would help. By some miracle it has proven to be the exception to the rule. There are side effects, as there always are, but I am learning to manage and live with them. The fatigue is always there, but it is not as debilitating as it was. I still struggle to ‘find’ words, but not as much as before.
With my body feeling more energized, I set about beginning anew. The first thing I did was to formerly close down the journal. With the help of my kind and every supportive webmaster we turned the journal into a static website. All the reviews, biographies, features and other materials that I wrote for the journal are on the site, but new material will not be added to it. For my own well being, I had to gently, lovingly, close the door on that part of my life. I had thought that I could add to the site every so often, but came to realize that I need on move on to ‘pastures new.’ Holding on to what was, even in a small way, was holding me back and preventing me from moving forward.
The second thing I did was, or so I thought at the time, to dip a tentative toe into the local library world. I applied to join the board of our county’s library foundation. I thought, at the most, that I might be invited to join one of the committees, though my real expectation was that I would asked to be a volunteer to help with their projects.
To my great surprise the Executive Director of the foundation asked to meet me, and we spent a pleasant hour or so at my favorite coffee shop chatting about the foundation and about my own interests in the book world. My goal with Through the Looking Glass Book Reviews was always to introduce children, via adults, to books that I hoped would entertain, engage, and excite them. Ultimately I hoped that books would turn them into life long readers and learners. I very much want to continue doing this kind of work, and conveyed this to the Executive Director as we spoke.
This meeting was followed by two more, first with the president and vice president of the board, and then with the entire board. I confess I was quite bemused by the whole business. Surely these august people were not seriously considering me for a position on the board? It turned out that they were, and in the fall I was invited to join.
Since then I have attended two board meetings and have joined the outreach committee. I have so much to learn, but am excited that I am going to be able to put my passion for literacy, books, and libraries to work in my own community. My work on Through the Looking Glass Book Reviews was a one woman show and it was a solitary, mostly long distance, business. Now I will be working with others, and making face-to-face connections with people who live in my beautiful valley. I won’t deny that I am nervous, but I am also excited.
In addition to my work with the Foundation I will be getting back to writing. It is time. Once again I will set aside time each morning, after exercising, to tap away at my computer. The work will be harder this time as I won’t just be writing reviews. I will be writing articles, which I have discovered take a lot more work than a book review used to do. The articles I write will appear here on a regular basis. As regularly as my health, farm work, and my foundation work will allow.
So here I am, on the last day of the year and I feel, for the first time in a very long time, that at last the tide has turned. There will be setbacks, there always are, but I will move forward. I am hopeful that the “tight place” that Harriet Beecher Stowe spoke of in her
I know that many of you have also faced challenges this year. You have lost friends and family members, battled illnesses, faced uncertainty in your work lives, and bravely contended with many other troubles and predicaments. I hope that you too have found some respite as the old year comes to a close, and trust that you are able to look forward with hope in your hearts.
The world is a hard place, as it always has been, but I do believe that we are surrounded by reasons to keep on hoping, and thus we have cause to keep on doing the Good Work that will bear fruit in the future.
Bless you, and a happy new year to you all.
Art by Ian Phillips, a gifted linocut print artist who lives in Wales.
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